#6 MASCULINITÉ


Il me dit «  Prends moi la main. Serre-la fort. Pose-la tout contre ton coeur.
Respire à pleins poumons. Et partons ».

Il m’inspire la confiance. Nourrit mon âme. M’apaise l’esprit. Calme mes ardeurs. Et projette ma grandeur.
Il me parle de lui. Ce qu’il est. Ce qu’il voudrait être. Ses expériences. Ses vécus. Tout ce que la vie lui a appris jusqu’ici.
Il me fait tournoyer sur moi-même. Envoutés par la danse. Dans l’obscurité. Il réveille cette déesse longtemps enfouie en moi.
Il m’appelle. Désespéré. Angoissé. Apeuré. Par sa triste réalité. Je lui rappelle qu’il est le seul maître de ses pensées. Et que sa réalité est bien différente de celle qui se présente aujourd’hui à lui.
Il pose sa tête délicatement sur mon ventre. Son corps entier encore secoué par la musique. Un dimanche matin. Après l’extatique.
Il m’explique qu’il vit les prémices d’une relation. Son regard est plus doux. Il est changé. Je me dis qu’elle doit avoir cet effet-là sur lui. Mon coeur devient plus léger en l’écoutant. Il se délaisse du lourd fardeau du passé et comprend que l’Amour, c’est ça : Aimer quelqu’un de toute son âme et tout son coeur même quand cette personne en aime une autre.
Il me chante ses rêves. Sa vie. Ses envies. Il est en devenir. En cours de création. Comme nous tous. Qui ne cherche pas à s’améliorer ? À grandir ? En tout cas pas ceux dont j’essaie de m’entourer ces derniers mois.
Il me dit que son pays lui manque. Ses terres. Son appartenance. Il se met à pleurer dans mes bras. Mais d’où vient cette tristesse si légère qui j’espère est juste passagère ? Ce petit bonhomme que je ne comprenais pas toujours jusque là. Qui gardait ses distances. Très certainement de peur d’empiéter sur les plates bandes de cette autre-là. Décide de s’ouvrir à moi. Dévoilant toute sa fragilité.
Il m’annonce qu’il va être papa. D’une nuit par ci, par là. Il est apeuré face à cette nouvelle responsabilité. Et si c’était justement un beau cadeau que lui offrait la vie.
Il me dit qu’il n’a aucune empathie. Qu’il est comme ça. Un point c’est tout. Il faut l’accepter comme il est. il ne changera pas.
Il me parle de son état dépressif. N’arrive pas à mettre le doigt sur ce qui ne va pas. N’accepte pas ces vagues d’émotions qui le fouettent au quotidien.
Il projette en moi ce défaut d’origine qui l’habite depuis quelques mois. Il ne comprend pas. D’où vient-il ? Où se dirige t’il ? Quelles sont les raisons qui le poussent à se lever chaque matin ?
Il parcourt les sentiers déjà foulés par ses ancêtres. Il est fier de m’expliquer son passé. Qui ne définit pas forcément ce qu’il est aujourd’hui. Mais celui qu’il voudrait devenir.
Il a créé cette famille. Qui le suit par tous les temps. Même sous la pluie.
Je l’appelle Monkey. Il me surnomme Chipmunk. Il m’interdit de sourire car il fond à chaque fois. Je le nargue avec des sourires encore plus envoûtants. Un jour où je prône le silence et ne parle qu’avec mes yeux qui s’illuminent de mille feux.
Il me serre fort contre lui comme si nous ne nous étions pas vu depuis de longs mois. Moi qui maintenais la distance. Je m’enfonce encore plus dans ses longs bras. Je suis devenue cette femme dépendante à la chaleur humaine. Aux odeurs familières.
Face à l’éloignement, j’ai voulu créer le rapprochement.
Il me dit qu’il porte son t-shirt. Il n’est pas là. J’hume le vêtement à la recherche d’un parfum qui me remémora nos souvenirs heureux. Son odeur n’est plus là. C’est la sienne qui s’est mêlée aux fibres du coton tout juste sorties de l’avion.
Petite cuillère du matin. Il parcourt mon corps comme un vieux parchemin. Avec délicatesse. Il me glisse à l’oreille que c’est en effleurant ma main qu’il a senti cette douce énergie vibrer en lui.
Il est lui. Je suis elle. Ils sont eux.
Il ou lui. Lui ou il.
Leurs émotions. Leurs sentiments. Leurs passions. Leurs désirs.
Tous ces hommes qui m’ont dévoilé leur vulnérabilité, une part de leur féminité, ces derniers mois, m’ont permis de mettre le doigt sur cette partie de moi que j’avais perdue et à laquelle je ne pensais pas.
Ma masculinité.
J’aimais depuis toujours être au contact de ces forces de la nature. Mais tant fragiles à la fois.
J’étais femme. Vulnérable. Je cherchais à tâtons ce moi que j’avais enfoui au plus profond mais qui m’habitait toujours. En murmurant tout doucement : « Je suis toujours là. Viens à ma rencontre. je t’ouvrirai grand les bras. »
Ils m’ont réveillée. Ils m’ont permis de me reconnecter.
Connexion longtemps recherchée auprès d’eux. Alors qu’elle était juste là. À l’intérieur de moi.
Alors, mes amis, mes amours, je vous dis merci.
Corps et esprit enfin réunis.
Il était temps.
  • 04/26/2016
  • 1
Caroline Weiler
About me

42 Comments

Conception Gitelman
06/30/2017

I am writing to make you be aware of what a notable encounter my cousin's child developed reading through your blog. She came to find a good number of issues, most notably what it's like to have an excellent giving character to let other folks really easily completely grasp specific complex subject matter. You undoubtedly surpassed visitors' expected results. I appreciate you for imparting the invaluable, dependable, educational and as well as easy guidance on that topic to Mary.

http://www.borvestinkral.com/

generic levitra
07/31/2017

buy genuine levitra
levitra
buy levitra in singapore
[url=http://vardenafilpok.com/#]vardenafil[/url]
order levitra professional oo

This Site
08/13/2017

I simply want to mention I'm new to blogging and site-building and honestly enjoyed your blog. Very likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You absolutely come with remarkable posts. Regards for sharing your website.

cheap ralph lauren uk
08/15/2017

Hi, Neat post. There is an issue together with your web site in web explorer, might test this?IE still is the market chief and a big section of other people will pass over your excellent writing due to this problem.

marchiano
08/16/2017

Greetings from Carolina! I'm bored to tears at work so I decided to browse your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the info you provide here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, superb blog!

http://rajscientific.com/paint-corrosion-cabinet/

cheap mens armani tracksuit
08/17/2017

Good write-up, I am normal visitor of one’s web site, maintain up the nice operate, and It's going to be a regular visitor for a long time.

Health and Fitness
08/17/2017

Nice read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

Hi my family member! I want to say that this article is awesome, nice written and come with approximately all significant infos. I would like to peer more posts like this.

Business Service
08/18/2017

I like the valuable info you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I'm quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here! Best of luck for the next!

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

I like this website very much, Its a real nice place to read and obtain information. "The absence of war is not peace." by Harry S Truman.

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

hey there and thank you for your info – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using this site, since I experienced to reload the web site a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot more of your respective interesting content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

Auto Care and Service
08/18/2017

I have learn several excellent stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot effort you put to create any such great informative website.

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write on my blog something like that. Can I take a part of your post to my website?

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

Enjoyed looking through this, very good stuff, appreciate it. "While thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head." by William Shakespeare.

115861207.ys.nb35.net
08/18/2017

Have you ever considered about including a little
bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and everything.
Nevertheless imagine if you added some great graphics or video clips to give your posts
more, "pop"! Your content is excellent but with pics and clips, this site could certainly be one of the best in its niche.
Good blog!

adamaszek na metry
08/18/2017

Do you mind if I quote a few of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your website? My website is in the very same niche as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Thank you!

http://suhonorscourses.flywheelsites.com/class/intro-to-the-analysis-of-public-policyhonors-4/

Health and Fitness
08/18/2017

I have been examinating out some of your posts and it's pretty clever stuff. I will surely bookmark your website.

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Hey very cool site!! Man .. Excellent .. Superb .. I'll bookmark your website and take the feeds also¡KI'm happy to seek out so many useful info here in the publish, we want develop more strategies in this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your website is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you have on this web site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched all over the place and simply could not come across. What a perfect site.

Design Build Contractors
08/19/2017

Just desire to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply cool and i could assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the rewarding work.

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Hello my friend! I want to say that this article is awesome, great written and include approximately all important infos. I would like to look more posts like this .

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

I carry on listening to the news talk about getting boundless online grant applications so I have been looking around for the top site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i acquire some?

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

I really wanted to type a simple word so as to thank you for all the lovely instructions you are posting at this site. My time-consuming internet investigation has finally been recognized with awesome ideas to write about with my guests. I 'd express that we readers are rather fortunate to be in a very good website with so many outstanding professionals with insightful tricks. I feel quite fortunate to have encountered the site and look forward to tons of more entertaining times reading here. Thanks a lot again for everything.

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Hello, you used to write great, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Thanks so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally superb chance to read in detail from this blog. It's usually so enjoyable and as well , packed with amusement for me personally and my office peers to visit your site nearly thrice every week to learn the fresh tips you have got. And of course, I am usually pleased for the unbelievable information you give. Some 1 tips on this page are indeed the very best we have had.

Gifted Education
08/19/2017

Thanks for every other informative blog. Where else may just I get that kind of information written in such an ideal way? I have a challenge that I am just now running on, and I have been at the look out for such info.

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! However, how could we communicate?

Motor Car
08/19/2017

Thank you for another excellent post. The place else may just anyone get that type of info in such a perfect means of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I am on the search for such info.

Auto Care and Service
08/19/2017

Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your web site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you've on this website. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for extra articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the info I already searched all over the place and just could not come across. What an ideal website.

prześcieradła
08/19/2017

Appreciating the time and effort you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It's great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same outdated rehashed material. Excellent read! I've bookmarked your site and I'm adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

http://sportido.com/blog/7-fun-sports-to-try-in-2017/comment-page-681

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

I simply couldn't leave your site before suggesting that I extremely loved the usual information a person supply on your guests? Is going to be back regularly in order to check up on new posts.

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

I must show some thanks to you for rescuing me from this particular challenge. Just after checking throughout the online world and coming across views which are not beneficial, I assumed my entire life was well over. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the difficulties you have resolved as a result of your main blog post is a crucial case, and ones that might have negatively damaged my entire career if I hadn't noticed the website. Your good ability and kindness in handling all areas was invaluable. I am not sure what I would've done if I had not encountered such a subject like this. I can also at this time look ahead to my future. Thank you very much for the reliable and sensible help. I won't be reluctant to suggest the blog to anyone who would need guidelines on this subject.

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

hello there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise some technical points using this website, since I experienced to reload the web site lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and can look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again very soon..

marirea sanilor
08/20/2017

whoah this blog is wonderful i like reading your articles.
Keep up the good work! You recognize, a lot of persons are hunting round for this info, you could aid them
greatly.

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

Hello, you used to write magnificent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

I enjoy the efforts you have put in this, thanks for all the great articles.

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

You have brought up a very wonderful points , appreciate it for the post.

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

Merely wanna tell that this is very beneficial , Thanks for taking your time to write this.

$MEtroclick.com
08/20/2017

MetroClick specializes in building completely interactive products like Photo Booth for rental or sale, Touch Screen Kiosks and Digital Signage, and experiences. With our own hardware production facility and in-house software development teams, we are able to achieve the highest level of customization and versatility for Photo Booths, Touch Screen Kiosks and Digital Signage. MetroClick, 121 Varick St, #301, New York, NY 10013, +1 646-843-0888

http://www.shortmyurls.com/metroclick-comment-jul

Auto Care and Service
08/20/2017

Hiya very nice website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I'm glad to search out numerous useful info right here within the put up, we need develop extra strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing.

find
08/20/2017

I'm pretty pleased to find this website. I wanted to thank you for ones time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely really liked every bit of it and i also have you saved to fav to check out new stuff in your website.

http://www.moorecreativeweddings.com

escatter11.fullerton.Edu
08/20/2017

I think the admin of this site is actually working hard for his site,
as here every stuff is quality based information.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *